


Unforgivable Time

by Leela



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Earworm, Humour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-09
Updated: 2011-12-09
Packaged: 2017-10-27 02:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/290890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leela/pseuds/Leela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucius, Severus, and a pet Jarvey. The Manor (and Lucius's hair) may never be the same again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unforgivable Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shiv5468](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiv5468/gifts).



> Written in February 2011.
> 
>  **Beta** : eeyore9990 and r_grayjoy
> 
>  **A/N** : For shiv5468 for correctly guessing my Snapelyholidays entry. Shiv asked for Lucius, Severus, and a pet Jarvey... and I thought she liked me. *sigh*

"Death Eater rules apply," Lucius announced as soon as Severus stepped out of the Floo into the manor entrance hall.

His brain having frozen up at the first two words, Severus spluttered, "What?"

"Hex first and ask questions later. Surely it hasn't been so long that you've forgotten already."

"Lucius, are you—" Severus stopped and reconsidered his question. Lucius's hair was snarled and only partly restrained by its ribbon, as if he'd dragged his hands through it many times, and his face and clothing were smudged with dust and dirt. He'd never seen Lucius quite so dishevelled, not even after a night's revelry.

"Am I what?"

 _Unhinged_. The word was on the tip of Severus's tongue, and it took everything he had not to say it aloud. Instead, he distracted himself by walking up to Lucius and conjuring a soft, damp flannel that he used to wipe away a particularly distracting smear just under Lucius's left eye.

"Lucy and Greasy sitting in a tree," someone squeaked.

Lucius swung around so fast that his hair whipped into Severus's eyes, and he threw _Stupefy_ into the doorway. His spell went crashing into the mural on the opposite wall, sending horses and riders fleeing in all directions.

There was silence for a second, then the same voice taunted, "Lucy needs glasses," followed by high-pitched laughter and the scrabble of claws on marble.

"I'm going to kill that filthy beast," Lucius snarled. "Slowly, carefully, and with extreme pleasure. Hanging, drawing, and quartering is too easy for it."

The pieces of the puzzle snapped together, and Severus asked, "Oh, Merlin, you've lost Scorpius's Jarvey, haven't you?"

"That vile creature is hardly lost." Wand at the ready, Lucius began stalking down the hallway. "Come on. Hop to it. There's no time to waste. Scorpius will be home from his mother's any moment."

Severus took a deep breath and sighed. _Why did Lucius always do things the hard way?_ Readying his wand, he said, " _Accio_ Jarvey."

"Severus, no!" Lucius's wild-eyed look made Severus's heart trip a beat. He hadn't seen Lucius look like that since they'd had to sneak around behind the Dark Lord's and Narcissa's backs.

Before he could say anything, however, there was a loud screeching noise and a bundle of fur, teeth, and claws came hurtling towards him, yelling gleefully, "Numpty needs a shredding."

" _Protego_ ," Lucius called out, and the Jarvey bounced off the shield that had appeared in front of Severus.

The animal somersaulted through the air and landed on all four feet. Flipping up its tail, exposing its very pink and hairy arsehole, it waggled its behind at Severus and scampered into the formal drawing room.

Severus's Stinging hex missed it by mere centimetres, cracking the wall instead. "Bugger the hexes," Severus ground out. "It's Unforgivable time."

"When is it not?" Lucius swept him a quick bow before using his wand to poke the drawing room door open.

Once inside, they spread out. Lucius went to the right, and Severus took the left. The room seemed suspiciously quiet and undisturbed at first, but three steps in the Jarvey bounced up from right under Severus's feet, and sent him stumbling into a chair.

"Greasy can't catch me," the Jarvey taunted.

" _Impedimenta_ ," Severus snapped out.

"Dozy dimbo, couldn't hit Lucy's fat arse."

"You vicious, little—" Lucius cut himself off and yelled, " _Cruc_ —."

"No." Flinging himself at Lucius, Severus managed to clap a hand over his mouth before he could finish the incantation. "Do you want to set off the Ministry alarms?"

Lucius pushed Severus away and attempted to straighten his robes. "I hate that beast."

"And Scorpius loves it, as you reminded me only a few minutes ago." Irritated, Severus pushed his hair out of his face and took a deep breath. "We have to stop letting it get to us and go about this sensibly."

"Raid protocol?"

Severus nodded and cast a series of detection and tracking charms in each direction.

"There," Lucius whispered, a twitch of his finger indicating the tail sticking out from under a side table.

Dragging a thumb down his cheek to set the plan, Severus used his wand to inscribe a barely visible circle in the air above their target while Lucius moved silently into position. A few seconds later, Lucius gave the signal, and they attacked.

"Cheating bastards," the Jarvey screamed, as it dove out from under the table, directly between Severus's legs, and leapt into the air.

Twisting around as he fell, Severus cast a hex that took a clump of fur off the Jarvey's tail. And then he was on the floor, with the shattered table and all its contents beneath him and Lucius sprawled on top of him.

Pain radiated from Severus's arse and nose. He was about to shove Lucius away when a giggle drew his attention to the doorway where Scorpius and Draco were standing. The blasted Jarvey was cradled in Scorpius's arms, crooning softly and butting its head against Scorpius's hand.

"Father, Severus, you—" Draco got out before a snort of laughter escaped from him. He pressed his lips together, but his amusement was clear.

"You were playing with Harry." Scorpius scratched behind the Jarvey's ears and gave them both an enormous grin. "Thank you. I was worried he'd be lonely."

"Harry?" Severus threw Lucius off him and then grabbed him by the neck of his robes. "You didn't tell me the da—"

Lucius laid a finger on Severus's mouth and tutted. "Now, now, Severus, there's a child present."

"I'll get you for this," Severus hissed. "Don't think that I won't."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll find some way to make it up to me," Lucius murmured, tapping Severus's lips and arching an eyebrow at him.

Draco cleared his throat loudly. "Perhaps we should all take a few minutes to change before dinner."

"We could do that." Lucius shot Severus a considering look and sucked on the finger that had been on Severus's mouth. Then he got to his feet and held his hand out imperiously.

Taking his hand, Severus allowed Lucius to pull him up. "Don't think this gets you a free pass."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Lucius turned to Draco and Scorpius. "Baths, I think, are in order. And a late dinner."

His robes billowing around him, Severus swept out of the room behind Lucius. For a brief and shining moment, he thought he might make it to Lucius's rooms with the tattered shreds of his dignity reasonably intact, but at the top of the stairs, he heard Draco and Scorpius burst into laughter.

And then came the final straw, the one that caused Severus to blast a hole clear through to the floor below. The Jarvey began chanting, "Greasy and Lucy sitting in a tree."


End file.
